I just spoke at the funeral of a good friend who once told me, “If you want to, you will. If you don’t want to, you won’t. It’s your choice.” Simple words that she lived by. Carla died of a stroke at age 45. She died fighting to live. Her life is a testament to the power of the human will.
When Carla was 14 she hooked up with the wrong friends in the “hood” of Akron. She started smoking marijuana. Then drinking alcohol. They wanted more sensations so next came cocaine including free-basing. Then heroin. To support her habit, she turned to prostitution. By age 25 she had dropped out of everything, lived in squalor and married a fellow crack-head. One day he tried to hit her. She reared back and clobbered him in the jaw – cold cocked him. When he awoke, he left. (He was later convicted of being a serial child rapist and killer. He’s still in prison 20+ years later.)
After he left, Carla took a long look in the mirror and did not like what she saw. She said, “My life is awful and I’m going to change.” She knew her life was terrible; things had to change. She didn’t whine. She didn’t make excuses. She didn’t blame her fate on someone else. She didn’t see herself as a victim, but a sentient human being.
She determined on that day that her life was going to be good and she would find joy. She said, “Enough with this.” From that day forward she refused to drink alcohol, smoke cigarettes, take marijuana, cocaine or any other illicit drug. No rehab. No therapy. No group hugs. On her own, by herself (and she would add “with the blessings of God”) she quit alcohol, drugs and “addictive behavior” cold turkey.
Carla wasn’t a braggart. Carla was humble and unassuming. She could get a bit miffed with people who whined over their “addictions.” She didn’t think much of that word; thought it was just an excuse. “If they want to, they will. It’s their choice,” is all she’d say.
She never amounted to much in the way many measure lives. Unequipped in skills needed for higher paying jobs, she spent most of her time working to make ends meet in honorable jobs. Labor jobs, cutting grass, snow removal, and most recently the ground crew for the Goodyear Blimp. They weren’t much, but they were, as she put it, “good jobs and I did my best.” She did go back to school and got her GED but couldn’t afford much more.
Despite a new husband becoming an alcoholic, she stuck with him. She worked two and three jobs to make ends meet and to care for him. I never heard Carla complain about him, but then I never heard Carla complain.
You probably have far more going for you in skills, talent and training than Carla did.
Carla died happy, with loving family and friends filled with joy.
Carla stands as a testament that “if you want to, you will.”
What Can You Do?
